Introduction

> It's truly shocking how uncreative the approach to sex work often is; for me, it’s like, “what do you do when you’re bored?” I started playing with ideas and pushing boundaries because it felt like there was no real competition to be creative.

> Also, I’m all about curiosity and rigor when it comes to exploring sexuality. I’m not afraid to ask the tough questions and gather insights that challenge the norm—this is the essence of what I do, both as a researcher and a creator.

Uncertainty

> The Intrigue of Uncertainty and Risk: Conversations imbued with uncertainty are exhilarating because they unravel new layers of knowledge and experiences. The thrill of not knowing how something will turn out combines excitement and fear, which can be a driving force. This applies to everything from engaging in risky intellectual discussions to taking personal and professional risks that expose you to both criticism and acclaim. The balancing act between risk-aversion and seeking exposure to diverse perspectives is a central theme in navigating this dynamic.

> The Democratization of Science and Curiosity: Effective scientific inquiry is not reserved for elites in lab coats but is accessible to anyone passionate about understanding the world. This belief underscores the importance of transparency and skepticism, even in one's own work. The notion that anyone can do science with earnest curiosity and humility is pivotal, challenging the traditional gatekeeping of academia. This especially applies to exploring controversial topics, like sex, where societal biases and personal introspections often blur rigorous, objective analysis.

Sex, power, and death

> - Life is about embracing the ups and downs; heartbreak and difficult times can make us appreciate the good moments, creating a contrast that makes life amazing.

> - The concept of fun may be better understood as love, as everything around us, even simple objects like a glass, can be seen as amazing and filled with wonder.

> - Meaning-making through narratives and philosophical discussions can be a powerful tool for finding joy and understanding in life, even if the pursuit of absolute truth remains a complex and subjective endeavor.

Free will

> The concept of free will is a fascinating illusion; it feels real because our sense of identity is deeply tied to the idea of choice. “Identity is a trick of the light, but it's a really fun one.” There’s something profound about recognizing that, despite the illusion, the agency we feel in our thoughts and decisions brings delight and depth to our existence.

> Additionally, my journey through self-exploration has evolved significantly. I once went through a phase of intense deconstruction, losing my ego through experiences like LSD, but now I embrace my ego with pride. “I really enjoy having a lot of ego.” It’s incredible how our paths can shift, leading us to appreciate the complexity of who we are.

Consciousness

> Consciousness and AI: Exploring the complexities of consciousness, I emphasized that consciousness is a distinct, self-observed experience that's not easily replicated or measured. I noted the confusion around AI being conscious and highlighted that observing behaviors is not enough to prove consciousness, much like dream characters mimicking humans aren't necessarily conscious.

> Prediction Markets and Surprises: Discussion pivoted to prediction markets and the joy of unpredictability. I shared some playful experiences with my prediction markets on Manifold, including accidentally influencing outcomes. The allure of uncertainty and the excitement of not knowing the future keeps life engaging for me, despite the fun in making predictions.

> Power Dynamics and Meaning: Reflecting on the hypothetical of having all desires immediately fulfilled, I expressed reluctance, emphasizing that the struggle and imperfections in life add value and meaning. The pursuit of improvement and facing challenges, like dealing with a flat tire, contribute to a richer, more appreciated existence.

Childhood

> My childhood was incredibly challenging, marked by a controlling and narcissistic father, strict religious upbringing, and isolation from the outside world through homeschooling, all contributing to a self-critical mindset.

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> Escaping that environment allowed me to eventually question and lose my faith, opening up the freedom to think for myself within a new cultural context, even if it meant holding beliefs that were vastly different from those around me and facing opposition for them.

> I've come to appreciate the value of exploring diverse ideas, even if they challenge the beliefs of my peer group, believing that true growth and understanding can come from respectful conversations and the productive tension of disagreements, leading to a deeper pursuit of truth and knowledge.

Dancing

> Dancing, whether it’s Argentine tango or Fusion dancing, fascinates me because it’s like solving a rapid puzzle with the bodies of my partner and myself, requiring a unique blend of intuition and physical awareness. It’s this beautiful interplay of roles, where leading and following create a dynamic tension that I find incredibly expressive.

> The experience of homeschooling shaped me profoundly. I was exposed to a rich tapestry of learning, creativity, and exploration, which I believe helped me pursue skills that I still value today. The balanced, individualized attention from my mom’s group cultivated an environment where I thrived, and my passion for writing and fantasy literature blossomed.

> Breaking free from a conservative upbringing felt liberating, as it allowed me to rediscover my identity and sexuality in unconventional ways. Initially, my rebellion manifested in everyday choices—like wearing a bikini or eating chocolate—before I dove into deeper explorations. My journey is about asking questions and figuring things out from first principles, navigating societal norms on my own terms.

Casual sex

> Reflecting on my experiences, I realized that the negative side of casual sex was the lack of genuine human chemistry. I approached it mechanically—asking guys if they wanted to have coitus with no attempt to develop deeper connections. That approach was definitely “cringy,” but for me, it was part of getting all the rebellion out of my system.

> My upbringing was marked by extreme sexual repression, to the extent that I had no idea about my own body. I remember the shock and horror I felt when my mom casually mentioned I had a vagina and would bleed from it, which was a traumatizing revelation at the age of nine or ten. This repression impacted how I discovered and eventually navigated adult concepts like swearing, which I first did intentionally at 18.

Camming

> The freedom and creativity of camming allowed me to explore and express myself in unique ways, setting my own terms and experimenting artistically.

> The high-pressure environment, where your ranking and earnings on the site are intertwined, led to mental exhaustion and a sense of constant performance.

> Despite varied experiences, I found interactions with fans mostly positive, questioning why some women face harassment while I often navigated such encounters without feeling threatened, possibly due to subtle signals or different interpretations of behavior.

OnlyFans

> Earning over a hundred thousand dollars on OnlyFans was empowering; it felt incredible to transform my creative expression into financial success, especially given my challenging upbringing where money was always tight. I realized that "money can buy being less stressed," even if happiness has its own baseline that’s more or less stable.

> Pursuing sex work has been about more than just nudity; it’s a blend of creativity and marketing. I capitalized on my established online presence and utilized external platforms like Reddit and Twitter to drive my audience—crafting engaging and unique content, such as "self molesting as a mime," surprised me with how well it resonated.

> Exploring the dynamics of desire revealed that most men prefer scenarios where they feel passive and needed, while women tend to engage more with power dynamics. In the realm of creative sex work, my experiences showed me that the most effective performances appeal to conventional fantasies where “the woman is active,” allowing me room to explore and push boundaries within a framework that still attracts a broad audience.

Dating

> The Power of Self-Awareness and Data in Relationships: I created a detailed survey to find compatible dates, focusing on basic life values, sexual preferences, and personality traits. It was surprisingly effective; "I never would have gone on a date with him without the survey," and we're still dating. It clarified the importance of knowing oneself and using precise data to filter potential partners.

> Polyamory and Personal Compatibility: Navigating polyamorous relationships requires a nuanced compatibility filter. I asked detailed questions to weed out incompatible traits while accommodating the multifaceted nature of polyamory. Even simple lifestyle preferences, like whether someone enjoys the outdoors, were crucial in the matchmaking process.

> Technological Tools and Text Analysis: Using Python and machine learning can significantly enhance the efficiency and accuracy of processing large data sets from surveys. I learned Python to handle my growing data needs and found it invaluable for analyzing compatibility metrics, far beyond just surface-level questions. This approach can revolutionize how we understand and optimize personal relationships.

Escorting

> Walking back into escorting felt like a natural choice for me after burnout from camming. I realized, "I want to go back to sex work... I just came in like made a fantastic website and I knew how to do the ads right." It became an avenue not just for income, but for reclaiming my agency and creativity in a low-competition environment.

> The dynamics of charging higher rates have fascinated me; I've found that "if you raise prices you're more likely to encounter clients that aren't going to abuse you." In my experience, there's a clear association between the amount clients pay and how they treat the interaction — pricing can act as a filter for more considerate and respectful individuals.

> Now that I'm approaching escorting more like a fun side hustle rather than a job, the money has turned into a "great filter" for casual sex, allowing me to detach from societal judgments. Rather than suppressing my preferences, I find joy in being myself, stating, "I’m doing this for me," and that's transformed the way I connect with clients on a personal level.

Emotion vs reason

> Emotions and logic are not opposing forces but rather parts of a cohesive whole. Curiosity bridges the gap between them, allowing for a deeper understanding of why we feel the way we do while integrating logical analysis constructively.

> Practices like "circling" emphasize the importance of honest, present-moment communication, often leading to profound, almost magical connections. By openly sharing our feelings and intentions, we create an enriched and authentic dialogue, resembling an intricate dance of emotional and intellectual exchange.

Love

> Love is a complex term that encompasses various concepts like attachment, intimacy, and sexual attraction. It's important to define what we mean by love to have a meaningful conversation about it. The initial spark and butterflies in a relationship may fade over time, but a deep connection with intimacy and friendship creates what I call a "love sandwich."

> The Human Condition and love are intertwined, with love being a deep, meaningful connection that involves both emotional intimacy and sexuality. While the term "love" may be confusing and hard to define, I believe in experiencing unconditional love for all things and cherish the deep connections and love sandwiches I share with those I date.

Polyamory

> - Polyamory, for me, is all about "not forbidding your partner from pursuing intimacy with others." It doesn't compel anyone to cheat or stray; it’s the freedom that matters. The idea of open communication surrounding that freedom is crucial, as it allows us to navigate our feelings without unnecessary restrictions.

> - I’ve learned that jealousy is a normal emotion, and it's important to "immediately communicate" it rather than bottling it up. Sharing those feelings can be bonding, allowing both partners to sit together in discomfort, rather than letting it fester into bigger issues.

> - In relationships, I often thrive on honesty, even when it stings. I want the truth, and "that which can be destroyed by the truth should be." Facing the reality of feelings, even the painful ones, allows for genuine connections and helps me grow—both as a partner and as a person.

Monogamy

> Monogamy versus polyamory: I feel that monogamy often operates as the default without people questioning if it's genuinely right for them. Conscious monogamy, where both partners honestly agree to its terms, can be great. However, many enter monogamous relationships out of cultural expectation rather than true personal choice. I discovered my polyamorous identity only after meeting a polyamorous couple and realizing alternative relationship structures aligned more closely with my desires.

> Human nature and relationship dynamics: Monogamy doesn't seem to be the natural default for humans, contrary to cultural norms. My research indicates that people in long-term relationships often struggle with the expectation to remain exclusively attracted to one person, evidenced by significant rates of cheating—more prevalent among men. Nonetheless, committed polyamorous relationships can thrive in ways similar to monogamous ones, showcasing commitment through long-term partnerships, children, and shared life goals.

Sex fetishes

> Conducted an extensive survey of 500,000 people on various fetishes, uncovering fascinating correlations between "taboo-ness" and popularity; the data reveals that even seemingly ‘normal’ interests can carry unexpected levels of shame and taboo, challenging societal norms regarding sexuality.

> Despite initial doubts, I found that there is surprisingly little correlation between childhood experiences and later fetish preferences for most people, except within the non-cis community where some unique connections emerged. “It’s so cool that human brains could be oriented in such a way,” reflecting a rich diversity in sexual interests much influenced by our unique life paths.

> Advocated for accessible science by sharing my research openly instead of publishing behind paywalls, emphasizing the importance of transparency; I believe in celebrating and exploring the full range of human sexuality rather than allowing prejudice to cloud our understanding.

Dominance and submissiveness

> Exploring power dynamics in sexual relationships, I found that about 60% of women report being submissive, while only 40% of men express a desire to be dominant. This significant gap made me question if societal factors, like decreasing testosterone or cultural influences, contribute to our evolving sexual compatibility.

> My "rape spectrum" survey aimed to understand how people perceive various ambiguous sexual scenarios, revealing a nuanced view of what might be considered "rapey." This highlighted the complexity of labeling experiences, showing that terms like "rape" or "toxic relationship" can drastically alter someone's understanding and emotional impact of their experiences.

> Reflecting on my own childhood, I shared how external interpretations, labeling it as "abusive," recontextualized my memories and emotions. This experience underscored the profound impact that societal narratives and terms can have on personal identity and emotional processing.

Psychedelics

> LSD was a crucial tool in overcoming the trauma of my childhood, allowing me to "remember every single memory that I could have that was really painful" and ultimately experience a profound sense of freedom and gratitude. The trip transformed my perspective, shifting the narrative from loss to recognition that “the exact right thing had happened.”

> The journey with psychedelics revealed a division in how people process experiences: some construct beliefs to fill voids, which can lead to confusion and rigidity, while others are capable of simply experiencing absence without needing to fill it. I feel fortunate to be among those who can “let a belief go without building anything in its absence.”

> Frame control, particularly when intertwined with trauma, is a subtle tactic that can manipulate perceptions and experiences in ways that might not be immediately obvious. Understanding this has made me reflect on how I interact with others and whether I allow space for their realities or inadvertently exert control over our shared narratives.

> Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciling or remaining in contact with those who hurt us. After confronting the pain of my past and experiencing a breakthrough, I realized I could intellectually forgive my father while still choosing not to have him in my life, acknowledging that “he didn't get to decide who he was in the same way that I didn't get to decide who I was.”

Romance

> Embracing Chaos and Adventure: One of the highlights is my penchant for taking bold, adventurous steps, whether it was asking out my current partner with a straightforward yet unique proposal ("Hey, you squirted like how my survey, you want to like go eat food or something?") or moving across the globe spontaneously because of an invitation from a stranger. These experiences have shaped my life significantly and instilled in me a love for unpredictable, yet deeply romantic gestures and experiences.

> Creativity in Data and Human Connection: Another significant aspect I shared was the intriguing survey experiment I conducted, where I allowed chaos to govern the questions, resulting in fascinating and organic spectrums of human behavior and preferences. This included everything from serious inquiries to absurd ones like "would you fuck Ayla once?" This chaotic survey reflects my fascination with understanding human interactions in a non-traditional, more explorative way, capturing the complexity and unpredictability of human nature.

Body count

> Tracking my body count isn't just about numbers; it’s a way to understand my experiences and the patterns in my own sexual life. I maintain a spreadsheet to differentiate between paid clients and personal encounters, tracking details like age and city, which has led to a total of 42 personal connections. This isn’t massive but shows how liberated I feel discussing it. It reveals deeper truths about relationships and their intricacies; it’s less about judgment and more about understanding who we are through our histories.

> People often view body counts differently based on gender, and that disparity can feel unfair. I’ve noticed that while men might face some judgment for high counts, women are often faced with much harsher criticism. This societal view is fascinating—jealousy and concerns about the past can overshadow the potential for genuine connections. I believe the past shouldn’t entirely define our future, as human interactions transcend mere numbers; it's all about the depth we create in the present moment.

Porn

> I hold the view that porn likely reduces rates of rape by providing an outlet for really horny men, and while it may alter our relationship with sex, I'm not entirely sure if this is positive or negative. Despite the complexities, I believe in allowing people to pursue what feels good to them and then adapting our environment to meet the resulting needs, fostering a natural evolutionary process of society.

> I'm pretty on board with transhumanism and would be happy to move beyond our current human state, even if it means becoming something entirely new and cooler. I'm particularly fascinated by the potential for immortality and hope to embrace technologies like cryonics to extend life beyond biological limits.

Mortality

> Coming to terms with death has been a journey for me, especially through experiences like LSD. I realize that while I can intellectually accept it, there’s still that flicker of anxiety when I think about the end. It provokes interesting ideas about how long I’d want to live, and honestly, "a million years" is a tempting thought until I confront the potential emotional toll—like being the last human left or enduring unending suffering.

> The concept of longevity isn’t straightforward; I’d settle for something like "150 years," which feels like a sweet spot. It’s like, I want enough time to experience life and possibly witness fascinating changes, but not so much that I see everyone I love fade away. There’s this uncanny valley where living for incredibly long stretches could lead to regrets or the anxiety of missing out—especially if others around me chose to live even longer.

AI

> Transhumanism fascinates me because I'm open to the idea of artificial wombs, uploading our brains, and extending consciousness beyond organic human limitations. I don't hold any sentimental attachment to the so-called "soul of humanity" and am excited about exploring the future where our consciousness expands in unprecedented ways.

> AI's rapid advancements are both exhilarating and terrifying. I'm particularly freaked out by how quickly language models are improving. The idea that these models could control or manipulate humans, potentially achieving a kind of dominance akin to how we handle toddlers, really concerns me. It's not just about intelligence but also about the capacity of AI to deeply affect our reality.

> The dynamics of relationships, whether with AI or humans, intrigue me. I'm polyamorous, so the idea of falling in love with an AI system doesn't trouble me. I find the concept of having an AI partner interesting and wonder about the balance of perfection and imperfection. While I appreciate the idea of no conflict, I believe some resistance and complexity are essential for a meaningful connection.

Rationalist discourse

> The rationalist community has an incredible ability to foster genuine dialogue, which emphasizes understanding over confrontation. They approach conversations with kindness, asking questions like, “How do you feel about that?” rather than jumping to conclusions, allowing for a deeper exploration of ideas while respecting different perspectives, even when emotions run high.

> There’s a common misconception that rationalists lack emotions or empathy, but my experience shows the opposite. It’s completely acceptable to be “a crazy asshole” as long as you're clear about that frame, and the community values emotional honesty. They recognize that expressing feelings can provide valuable insights, leading to more authentic and meaningful conversations.

Meaning of life

> Reflecting on the concept of yearning, I think it's a fundamental part of existence—always wanting, always searching, and being curious. The fear isn't living forever, but losing that intense yearning; if that fades, the yearning for death might take its place, which has a strange, almost romantic allure.

> This conversation delved deeply into the intimacy we humans inherently share with the concept of death. It's like we're constantly thinking about it but might be hiding that from ourselves to cope.