Introduction

> I love Winston Churchill's daily routine. I celebrate his life every year on the day of his death by living like him. Breakfast in bed with a soft scotch, partying all day - that's the way to honor him.

> Churchill knew how to enjoy life. His routine of champagne, big breakfast, and goose for lunch inspires me to embrace each day with a sense of joy and celebration.

Hemingway

> Writing for me is all about that raw, authentic moment—"the first time I tell it, it's perfect." I get this rush when it's fresh, and then I start to tinker and "razzy dazzle" it until I lose that magic. It’s like chasing after that initial spark, which is often the purest version of the joke.

> Hemingway’s simplicity resonates with me, especially since I’m a bit dyslexic and appreciate how he communicates deep ideas with minimal words. "He was so good with just a handful of words." That approach inspires me, reminding me that the power of a story often lies in the clarity and honesty of its delivery.

Putin

> “There’s something universal about a wild, crazy night that gets out of control; I think everyone has that experience that they can't quite believe happened, and that relatability is what makes my story resonate.” It’s about connection, and that shared sense of disbelief binds us all together.

> “The Internet and platforms like Netflix have made the world feel incredibly small; I’ve met some amazing people who, in my wildest dreams, I’d never have thought would know who I am.” It’s wild to think that the guys you looked up to could become your friends, showing just how interconnected our lives really are.

Churchill

> Churchill is the ultimate drinking companion. His daily routine was legendary: a massive breakfast in bed with soft scotch, cigars, and then an hour-long champagne bath, followed by a day full of indulgence. Every January 24th, I celebrate his life by mirroring his routine, and it's a blast. Churchill wasn't just a drinker; he was a badass who lived to 94 and left a heroic legacy with his "never surrender" spirit.

>

> Churchill's role as a mentor to the young Queen Elizabeth II is fascinating. Despite her lack of formal education beyond early childhood, he educated her on world politics. Their dynamic caught my attention in "The Crown," where he guided her through the complexities of her role, showcasing not just his leadership but also his ability to educate and empower others.

Kim Jong Un

> "I definitely fantasize about drinking with Kim Jong Un; it’s like, who wouldn't want to party with someone so infamous? But in reality, the thought of his ways and the atrocities he's behind would totally mess with my vibe—there’s a lot of differences in how we’d celebrate life."

> "I can't stand the idea of a drinking meeting where someone says, 'We're going out tonight.' That just gives me anxiety! I prefer to keep it low-key and fun—’let’s just get drunk and enjoy ourselves,’ not some forced social event."

Drinking with Joe Rogan and Tom Segura

> One of my favorite drinks in a one-on-one setting, like with Joe Rogan, is whiskey on the rocks with lots of rocks. It's not about the price, it's about the vibe. Joe would go for a whiskey rocks too. Podcasts are great for connecting with people like David Cross or Kevin Smith that I wouldn't usually hang out with, but Tom Segura is a different story. The deep conversations we have off-air are priceless.

> A Campari spritz in Venice with the family is pure bliss. The blend of Campari, Prosecco, and soda water creates a refreshing drink perfect for a light buzz. And trust me, drinking alone can take on many forms - a hotel room with Roadhouse playing, on a train, or even behind someone's back during Christmas shopping. Sneaky sips add a bit of thrill.

> Drinking can be a coping mechanism, but I tend to avoid it for emotional situations like heartbreak and depression. I'd rather sit with those feelings than numb them with alcohol. It’s about facing emotions head-on, whether it’s anxiety about flying or the pain of heartbreak.

Father

> Everything I do feels like I’m playing with house money because of my dad’s health struggles. When he teared up at the premiere of my movie, it was like, “That’s a little icing on the cake.” The emotional moment we had reminded me that every experience with him is a bonus, especially when he admitted, “I’ve underestimated you your whole life.”

> My dad taught me the hard way about humility when he delivered a wake-up call on my 26th birthday, saying, “You are a tremendous piece of shit.” That moment was a turning point; it pushed me to chase my dreams relentlessly and reminded me that success doesn’t come easy. I work hard for my audience, whether that's getting stage time or being honest in my podcasting.

Shirtless

> I love being the "clown in the speedo" and honestly, I embrace it. People can make fun of me for taking my shirt off, but I just don’t care. "What do you care?" I mean, I’m way more comfortable shirtless, and it feels like freedom. That’s my vibe, and I’m owning it.

> Also, it’s crazy how things can become memes and lose their charm, but I’m still all in on this. I sometimes deal with tactile issues, and shirts make me feel restricted. "I like being shirtless more than having a shirt." It’s just who I am. I’ll always take my shirt off—nothing's stopping me!

Tom Segura

> Trust has taken a hit in my life, but I refuse to let betrayal turn me into someone who’s paranoid or cold-hearted. "So you think I'm weak?" is my shield against those who take advantage of me, but ultimately, I believe in the power of loyalty, like I did with Tom when I said, "I believe in Tom and I don’t think he did it."

> Navigating friendships and business can feel like walking a tightrope. Money has its way of complicating things, but Tom and I made it clear that "our feelings are more important than the money," a mantra that keeps our bond strong above all else.

> The moments of vulnerability shared with friends are what truly matter, like when Tom reassured me during a tough time, saying, "You’re okay." It’s these instances of genuine care that remind me of the depth of love that real friendships can offer.

Joe Rogan

> Joe Rogan is unreal—the most selfless guy I know. I said it, and I'll say it again: "Joe doesn't just bring you on his podcast; he wants you to shine." It's mind-blowing how much he elevates others, helping friends build careers and reach arenas, something I truly admire and strive to replicate in my own work.

> And even though Joe doesn't take compliments well, I need him to know the truth: "Without you in my life, a lot of these things maybe never would've happened.” He’s given me the tools to carve my own path, and I owe him so much—he's not just important in comedy; he's changed the game entirely. Plus, I did have to give him a double-sided dildo as a little joke because… well, why not?

Dating advice

> Finding true love is about knowing your worth and not settling for less, as I always say, "don’t spend time fucking with those little mini shrimp when you know you're looking for a lobster." It's about being patient and knowing when you've found the person that truly gets you.

> The moment I realized I truly loved LeeAnn was when she dumped me; I knew right then and there, "I can't imagine a life without this person." That was a pivotal moment for me, and it taught me the importance of understanding love deeply and genuinely.

> Successful relationships require self-awareness and accountability. I strive to be “self-correcting,” and I prioritize recognizing when I'm wrong. It's about being on the same team and learning to communicate effectively with my partner, which I've worked hard to apply in both my marriage and my parenting.

Key to success

> Sometimes, creating content can really "cannibalize your real life"; I catch myself turning vacations into promo opportunities rather than just enjoying the moment. It’s crucial to remember, like my wife and kids remind me, “No phones, just be present.”

> The key to thriving online is simple: "Don’t be afraid to suck." If something doesn’t land, it’s forgotten, and what truly matters is the content that resonates. Just throw the camera on and "the idea will show up"; as long as you’re creating, you’re moving forward.

> I’m realizing it’s important to prioritize self-care amidst all the promotion. I've hit a point where I need a break—"let's get your resting heart rate down." Integrating new ideas from people I admire, like Rogan or Goggins, inspires me to structure my life with a little more control and intention.

Sleep and working out

> I freaking love the balance of fitness and enjoyment in life. Running a marathon on a treadmill, setting small victories, and taking inspiration from badass guys like Cam Hanes and Jocko Willink keeps me motivated—but let's not forget my love for donuts and cocktails too. Life is about enjoying the sweet moments while still pushing ourselves.

> Naps are my secret weapon. Whether it's a 30-minute snooze that feels like five hours or those ice-cold tour bus naps, there's just something magical about waking up refreshed right before a big show. It’s like hitting the reset button on life, and let’s be honest, nothing beats that feeling.

> Mixing wine with a treadmill is my guilty pleasure. I could walk for hours, pouring a glass from the box while getting lost in my favorite shows. It's the ultimate way to enjoy both the physical and the entertaining sides of life. I mean, who wouldn't want to jog through a war scene while sipping wine? That's living!

History podcasts

> There's something magical about diving into history and realizing, "I got really into World War II late in life!" The stories we uncover are not just dates and names, but personal connections; as I picture guys jumping into the icy waters at Normandy, it hits home how real and intense those moments were.

> Rediscovering podcasts has been a game changer for me. I liken it to my version of "inviting a prostitute to a motel"—except it’s Dan Carlin showing up with his voice and captivating storytelling that pulls me in. I never realized how much passion can make even the most niche history topics, like barnstorming, come alive in a classroom!

Road trips

> One of the wildest road trips I had was back in college. We literally drove from Tallahassee to West Virginia in my Jetta with no clothes, just burnt-up liquor from a bar that had burned down. It was pure chaos and debauchery, but the bond with my buddies was incredible, even though I wasn't a big drinker until my time in Russia.

> During the pandemic, the drive-in movie theater tour was an absolute blast. We created a bubble, traveled across the country, and embraced new hobbies like pickleball and disc golf. Despite not making tons of money and the constant anxiety about COVID, that tour felt like a rediscovery of humanity and camaraderie.

> The fear of giving loved ones COVID was real and intense. I remember freaking out after an egg toss game with my daughter, convinced I might’ve passed the virus to her. Ironically, my wife LeeAnn ended up giving all of us COVID after a Christmas hug. The whole experience was a rollercoaster of emotions, anxiety, and eventually, a bit of humor in hindsight.

Beer

> There’s something about that “afternoon irresponsible beer buzz” that’s just magical. It hits different than the night buzz; I mean, when I opened those German Pilsners in the backyard after months of sobriety, it was like, “Fuck yeah, I’m back!” There’s nothing quite like that feeling when the beer sparkles and you just embrace the moment, letting everything else fade away.

> I’ve had a love-hate relationship with IPAs after a disaster in Salt Lake City, where I literally threw up in a bathtub after trying to calm my nerves before jumping off the stratosphere. I swore them off for years! But during the pandemic, I realized how much I missed good beers, and now I’m slowly getting back into them. It's funny how life works that way.

> Working hard is my happy place. I can’t comprehend life without that drive. People always worry about me, and I get it—my life looks hectic, but I genuinely love what I do. If I’m not on stage or writing jokes, I feel lost. Whereas some people can chill and play video games without a care, I can't even think about it unless there’s a hustle involved.

Exercise

> I love the concept of building up my runs gradually, playing games with myself, like starting slow and gradually increasing the intensity, it keeps me going. Fartleks are my favorite - it's all about structured running and sprinting at different levels, it's a mental challenge that I enjoy.

> Watching foreign language cooking shows on mute while working out is my jam - they're somehow sexier and more captivating that way. They really add to the workout experience, especially while blasting hip-hop music.

Life of the Party

> Realizing that pure joy is not just a fleeting moment but a deliberate choice transformed me; it all started back in college when I let my true self emerge. I went from wanting to be taken seriously to discovering that "I can make an event out of a night" and "bring a spark of fun" to any situation.

> Interacting with serious people, especially during my time in Russia, taught me how powerful laughter can be. I’d pull out lemons for drinks, and when the stoic locals would crack a smile, it would fill me with "pure joy"—that's when I knew I was onto something special.

> Embracing my silly side, whether it was doing dumb jokes or taking my shirt off on stage, made me realize that I don't need to compete with the heavyweights of comedy. It’s about having fun and bringing laughter into the lives of others. "Life is fun," and my mission is to "bring a spark" so others can escape their daily grind.

Drinking

> "I don’t really like drinking for the physical feeling, but the camaraderie? That's the heart of it. The joy of everyone saying, ‘I’m in’ for that wild kind of drinking—that's where the magic happens."

> "Sipping red wine in the front yard with my wife, LeeAnn, is pure bliss. There's something intimate about it—just us, the dogs, and the trees. It's these moments that truly connect us."

> "Traveling to Paris and feeling sophisticated drinking wine was a real highlight. Wine there makes you feel grown-up, even if I can’t speak the language."

> "I realized that when you’re drunk, there's a gift in showing who you truly are. That vulnerability can create real connections and help you go deeper with someone, like family or friends."

> "The most rewarding promo I did started with me realizing the fun of just being spontaneous and stupid. I’ve learned that whatever idea comes to my head, I should just run with it—let the camera roll and see what happens."

Greatest comedian of all time

> Comedy is like a craft where you constantly tinker and refine your material; I’ve seen friends like Joe Rogan take a joke and work it in so many different directions until it’s something truly special, and it’s this meticulous process that really shows the genius behind it.

> I’m inspired by the legends—Norm Macdonald and Dave Attell, they’ve shaped how I think about humor. It’s their unique perspectives and the way they engage with life that really drives home the point that great comedy comes from a deep understanding of human interaction and experience.

Advice for young people

> Finding what you love is everything—once you do, it’ll never feel like work, and you’ll pour your soul into it. That’s what makes life exhilarating; “find what you love and let it kill you,” as Bukowski said.

> Living fully means embracing the chaos and messiness of life. It’s all about breaking the mold and making the most of every moment, so when I’m 95, I want my life to be a wild, beautiful story, surrounded by laughter and unforgettable memories, like the time I outlived all my friends just to share a drink with Joey Diaz.